How to Stop Seeking Approval from Others and Accept Yourself As You Are.
Have you ever found yourself seeking validation from other people? Do you feel like you need other people and associations to validate your worth? Are you constantly concerned about what other people are thinking, or saying about you and their opinions are the driving force for the decisions you make and the way you live your life. Do you know what makes you happy? Do you know who you are, outside of the titles, and roles you play?
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As a child I remember wanting to make others happy always, justifying their joy means my joy. Adding a low self-esteem makes a recipe for approval addiction. For some, making others “happy”, constantly wanting to please others dictates the way they live, at their expense. The risk lies in neglecting our own needs and losing our identities in the process.
When I was deep in my mission to please, I had a deep need for approval. I didn’t know this at the time, I didn’t love myself the way I should have. I was hiding behind pleasing others, while neglecting my needs.
In this young girl was a deep fear of rejection. A deep need for someone to validate their worth.
I’ll take a few steps back. I justified my actions with bringing joy as crucial. I didn’t know what I wanted. I noticed the more I gave, the more it appears to have been demanded, not intentionally but subconsciously.
When you constantly give into what others need, you are setting an expectation, which may be hard to break as you start to know and own your own identity.
If you read last week’s blog post, I mentioned the power of awareness. Once you are aware of this, you have the power and strength to see it through without feeling like your life is over.
How To Stop Seeking Approval And Accept Yourself As You Are.
“…their opinions aren’t your problem. You stay kind, committed to love and free in your authenticity. No matter what they do or say, don’t you dare doubt your worth or the beauty of your truth. Just keep on shining like you do”. Scott Stabile
As we go through these tips, I encourage you to use your journal, or get a pen and paper and write your responses to the questions I pose. More important than writing notes, is writing how this relates to you, make it personal.
I've broken this down into 2 ways and the 1 tip.
1. Detach and Just Be
2. Fear Forward
1. DETACH AND JUST BE.
That’s right, JUST LIVE. Get the attention off yourself. Stop looking at yourself always, being hard on yourself and critical. Here’s the truth, the people “out there” are reflecting what lies within us. The journey starts with us. As we make peace with ourselves, the more we see peace outside. When we detach from looking at ourselves, it’s as though the world has stopped looking at us, and their opinions don’t matter as much.
Make the choice to detach yourself from other people’s thoughts and opinions. Good feedback from others is needed at times for sure. We need to honour the people in ourselves with love. This all requires a healthy balance.
Stop thinking too much about right and wrong and just be. Feeling you are right if you please the other and wrong when you don’t. Being proud of putting others first at your own expense is not the best thing for you and for others in the long run.
Love is received well and stands the test of time when we live truthfully. When you honour your own needs truthfully, you can be present for others too.
OVER TO YOU
In what areas do you always need permission?
Who in your life do you feel you need approval from, and why?
Why does approval from others matter so much to you?
2. FEAR FORWARD
One of the reasons we seek external validation is because we are afraid. It’s wise to seek external council. It’s wise for us to do our due diligence. Once we have everything we need, what stops us from doing what we need to?
Do we fear other people will not approve of what we are doing or intend to?
Trust yourself, your inner guidance and intuition and fear forward.
Take that next step. Seeking more and more validation can be a reason for procrastinating.
Your identity does not lie in other people, the answers you seek are within. The key lies in connecting with yourself, your deep inner knowing and trusting yourself.
OVER TO YOU
What are you currently seeking external validation for, yet you know what you need to do?
What are you afraid of?
How can you trust yourself more in this area?
Write down how you can start honouring the voice within, your inner guide.
THE 1 TIP
The key to releasing the deep need for approval and accepting yourself is love. Loving yourself wholeheartedly, earnestly, and unconditionally. When you love yourself, you know your worth and accept yourself as you are. You give yourself grace when you feel you’ve fallen short. You don’t keep yourself always on the microscope, without overthinking and relying on other people’s opinions always. Whether it turns out the way you want to or not, it feels good because it came from deep within.
When we love ourselves, we embrace who we are and those eyes we thought were looking at us dissolve.
We are not overly critical of ourselves; we are kind to ourselves and only expect that from the world around us. We maintain a healthy balance of giving in our relationships, without an intention to please rooted in fear of rejection. We connect deeply with ourselves and trust our inner knowing. That inner knowing guides us every step of the way, the more we trust ourselves, the more decisive we are and approve of ourselves.
OVER TO YOU
How can you ignite the love within?
To support this intention of loving yourself more I have created a free guide, The Self Love Starter kit, which will help you kickstart your journey of love and healing. This is the start of your journey of accepting and approving of yourself, just as you are. This is the start of your journey of connecting with your deep inner knowing, and living life as your most authentic self.
“The one thing you have that nobody else has is you. Your voice, your vision. So write and draw and build and play and dance and live as only you can”. Neil Gaiman.
YOU ARE ENOUGH
You don’t need external voices to validate your existence. You are here for a reason. The world deserves to experience the true authentic you, not diluted in other people’s thoughts, opinions, fears and identities. Keep listening to that still small voice of truth within.
You are one of a kind. Your needs are valid. Your dreams are valid too. You are approved. You are enough.
Wishing all my best,
Sending much love and light your way,
Additional Resources to Support Your Intention