Have you ever looked back and thought, I wish I had known that sooner? When it comes to self-love, there are so many things I had to learn the hard way—things that would have made the journey feel a lot less confusing, a lot more freeing.
The truth is, self-love isn’t about getting everything right from the start. It’s about unlearning old patterns, embracing growth, and giving yourself the same kindness you so easily give to others.
But when you're just beginning, it’s easy to get caught up in self-doubt, perfectionism, or the idea that self-love is something you have to earn rather than something you deserve.
Looking back, there are so many things I wish I had known when I first started. Things that would have saved me from unnecessary frustration, self-judgment, and waiting for the “right moment” to begin.
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If you’re on your own self-love journey—or thinking about starting—here are 10 things that might just save you some time, some heartache, and a whole lot of self-doubt.
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1. Self-love isn’t a destination—it’s a daily practice.
I used to think that one day, I’d “arrive” at self-love and never struggle with self-doubt again. But self-love isn’t a place you reach; it’s something you choose, moment by moment. Some days it feels easy, and other days it feels impossible—but showing up for yourself consistently is what truly matters.
2. Being kind to yourself will feel uncomfortable at first.
If you’ve spent years being your own worst critic, self-compassion won’t feel natural right away. In fact, it might feel forced or even selfish. But the discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong—it means you’re breaking old patterns. Keep going.
3. You don’t have to “fix” yourself to be worthy of love.
I used to believe that once I healed my past wounds, became more confident, or achieved certain goals, then I’d be worthy of love. But self-love isn’t about becoming a “better” version of yourself—it’s about accepting and valuing yourself exactly as you are, right now.
4. Setting boundaries is one of the greatest acts of self-love.
Learning to say no without guilt, prioritizing your energy, and choosing relationships that honor your well-being is essential. At first, it might feel uncomfortable, but boundaries are not walls—they’re a way of protecting your peace and respecting yourself.
5. Healing isn’t linear, and setbacks don’t mean failure.
Some days, you’ll feel deeply connected to yourself, and other days, old patterns will resurface. That’s normal. Healing happens in layers, and every time you choose self-love—no matter how small—it adds up.
6. External validation will never replace inner validation.
Seeking approval and love from others can feel like a shortcut to self-worth, but it’s temporary. True self-love comes from within—when you learn to validate your own feelings, trust yourself, and recognize your own value, regardless of what anyone else thinks.
7. Letting go of self-judgment is more powerful than chasing self-improvement.
Personal growth is great, but self-love isn’t about constantly striving to “fix” yourself. Sometimes, the most transformative thing you can do is simply stop criticizing yourself and embrace who you are in this moment.
8. You are not responsible for making everyone else comfortable.
If you’re a people-pleaser, this one is tough. You don’t have to shrink yourself, suppress your needs, or overextend yourself to be lovable. Your worth isn’t measured by how much you do for others—it’s inherent, just as you are.
9. Resting, slowing down, and prioritizing your well-being is productive.
We’re taught to equate productivity with worth, but self-love means recognizing that rest is just as valuable as action. Taking time to recharge isn’t lazy—it’s essential for your mental, emotional, and physical health.
10. Self-love is not about waiting until you “feel” worthy—it’s about choosing yourself anyway.
You don’t have to wait until you feel confident, healed, or ready to practice self-love. Start now, even if it feels unnatural. With time, self-love becomes less of a struggle and more of a natural way of being.
If any of these lessons resonated with you, I invite you to listen to the full episode of the Ignite and Flow podcast, where I dive deeper into these insights and share personal experiences from my self-love journey. You can listen now here
Wherever you are on your self-love journey, know this: You are already enough. Keep choosing yourself, keep showing up, and trust that every small step forward matters.
Resources mentioned in the podcast:
The Ultimate Self-Love Starter Kit – A free resource designed to help you start your self-love journey. https://www.igniteandflow.com/selflovestarterkit
The Calm Reset Affirmation Cards, available for free download at www.igniteandflow.com/calmreset, designed to help you reconnect with stillness and clarity when you need a moment of peace.
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